I’ve been doing this thing lately where I make sure that all the dishes are done before I turn in for the night. I never thought that it would make a big difference in my life but it does. There’s something about having nothing (or near nothing) in the sink when I wake up. It just feels like a good start to the day. The other night while I was doing the dishes and stacking things to dry my house of cards took a tumble. Off the counter came my favorite mug, where the handle shattered off.
On the surface it looks like a pretty boring not special mug at all. One side says “blessings are everywhere” and the other side says “the universe knows”. Not too long after losing Elena I found it at our local book fair. Spotting it felt like a sign from above. It was purple-the color that reminds me of Elena and it said “blessings are everywhere” how could I NOT see that as a sign from my baby girl? So of course, I bought it.
That was probably about 4 years ago and I often take that mug out and think of her. When it shattered it was just the handle. So I held onto the mug. In my mind I pictured sanding down the side and using it without the handle, so I left the broken mug on the counter. B asked me what I was doing with the mug. He asked me why I hadn’t thrown it away. I explained to him that I planned to sand down the sides and use it without a handle. He laughed at me and told me “It’s just a mug, Christa, throw it away!”.
To him, it’s just a mug. To me, it feels like so much more. And throwing it away feels like I’m throwing a piece of her away. There is very little that I have that is hers or that reminds me of her. I’m kicking myself for being so careless with it. As I sit and type this it’s outside. Not quite in the garbage can but close enough to it.
I couldn’t bring myself to throw it away. I still want to fix it. But maybe some things just can’t be fixed.