Once you hit a certain age or a certain point in your relationship people suddenly become very interested in when you’re going to have a baby. I don’t blame them, it’s a natural question but it isn’t exactly small talk. This type of conversation can turn awkward before the person even finishes their sentence. There are so many factors when it comes to adding to your family.
Regardless of WHAT makes it awkward I know two things to be true.
1) It’s nobody’s business.
2) It’s not going to stop people from asking.
I polled my Mom’s group to see what they hear the most often in regards to their reproductive choices. It was amazing how many people have had at least 5 of these things said to them!
1) Are you trying to have a baby?
I’ll admit, I’m guilty of asking this question. I think we all have been at some point. In my defense I don’t ask complete strangers this question or those I don’t know very well but believe it or not many people do. Like I mentioned above it seems like once your relationship reaches a certain stage or your child is a certain age people want to know when you’re going to have a baby.
2) Just relax and it will happen!
When you’re trying to have a baby and people ask question number 1 it often gets followed up with just relax and it will happen! As anyone who has ever tried to conceive a child knows that’s not exactly how it works! Can being relaxed help? Sure! Does it always? No!
3) Once you stop stressing about it you’ll get pregnant.
This one goes hand in hand with #2. TTC can be SO stressful especially if you’ve had trouble in the past or if you’ve been trying for a while. Stress doesn’t help when it comes to getting pregnant but it’s certainly not the be all, end all of getting pregnant. There would be a lot less babies in this world if it did!
4) You do know you have to have sex to have a baby, right?
This usually comes along with a pat on the back and huge *WINK WINK*. These people are trying to lighten the mood but when you’re making sure that you’re in the bedroom at least every other day for the last three months, I’m fairly certain you know what you need to do in order to have a baby.
5) When God wants you to have a baby, you will.
I’m a believer, many people are but that doesn’t make this an appropriate thing to say to people. You don’t know what they’re beliefs are and you certainly don’t know their struggles!
6) Your child deserves a sibling!
I have six siblings. I LOVE my siblings but that doesn’t mean that everyone wants, needs or deserves one! Giving a child a sibling is for parents to decide, not others!
7) You Aren’t getting any younger!
Women especially seem to be accurately aware of their age. Not only for vanity reasons but also for fertility reasons. Nobody needs a reminder that they’re aging every second of the day!
8) Conversely “You have plenty of time. My friend’s sister’s coworker was 43 when she had her first….”
Yes some women have amazing fertility and can have babies in their 40s. My mother is one of them. She had her last at 42. But that doesn’t mean everyone can have babies in their 40s or even late 30s!
9) Are you trying for a (insert the opposite sex of whatever you already have)…
Are you a mom of only girls or only boys? If so I’d be shocked if you haven’t heard this question before. It can be awkward on so many levels. Maybe YES they were trying for a girl to add to their four boys but now they’re pregnant with their 5th boy. Or maybe they don’t care AT ALL if they have a boy and a girl and are completely happy but you’ve made them doubt themselves. Should they be hoping for a girl? I promise you this. While people might have preferences at times, they’re trying for a healthy baby to love!
10) You’re done right? Since you already have a boy and a girl?
Once my daughter was born I had one boy and one girl here with me. Apparently that means that I should stop having children. I have the “perfect” family. One boy, one girl. Apparently that means I should get fixed according to the far to many people who told me that essentially told me I should stop having children.
Moral of the post?
Getting pregnant isn’t always as simple as it seems. So unless you’re talking to your BFF or the conversation has been brought up to you keep the topic of other people’s reproductive organs off the table.
Trying to Conceive?
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What’s the craziest thing someone has said to you while you were TTC?
Astroglide TTC™ sponsored this blog post. The opinions and text are all mine