One of the things that I’ve been doing when it comes to healing after losing Elena is thinking about the happy moments. Focusing on the good.
Yes, our daughter is no longer with us, yes it was tragic and still is but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t good times as well.
In a weird way my favorite memory of her is when I gave birth to her. Yes it was too soon and I knew she wouldn’t make it but it was also the first time I got to meet my daughter and that’s a moment that every mother cherishes!
In the days after my water broke at 18 weeks and before going into labor I joined a couple of support groups. I read miracle stories and sad stories as well. I was well aware that most likely my story would fall in the sad story group and I wanted to be prepared. So many women who pPROM’d and delivered their baby had babies that were born sleeping. I had no doubt in my mind that that would be the case for me as well.
I checked Elena’s heartbeat multiple times after my water broke and every time she had a nice strong heartbeat. It gave me so much hope that she would be one of the miracle babies I read about on my pPROM boards. Sadly she wasn’t but she was a miracle to me in another way. After I gave birth to her I immediately went to go see if she was a boy or a girl we didn’t know the sex previous to her being born.
I went to open her legs and she SNAPPED them shut before I could see if my baby was a he or a she! It caught me totally by surprise because all the other stories I had read about people in my situation had had different outcomes.
I got to spend 30 minutes with her, holding her, talking to her, and singing to her before she passed. Then I was able to see that she was the little girl I had wished and hoped for and those 30 minutes and beyond were while some of my saddest also some of my happiest moments with Elena. Moments I will never ever forget.
I just submitted this story to Happy Baby Stories submitting the story was *super* easy and I was also able to donate a dollar, from which Save Babies Through Screening Foundation gets grants.
Save Babies Through Screening is near and dear to my heart thanks in large part to Kristine and Cora. And I encourage you all to share your Happy Baby Story or ANY Happy story through the website to help spread some happiness and help Save Babies!
September is a GREAT month to support Save Babies because it’s also National Newborn Screening Month. Feel free to pin, tweet and FB this post to help spread the word 🙂