July is officially my least favorite month.
It’s been so hot and I feel absolutely disgusting and the real reason I hate it, my daughter will not be born this month.
Instead of anxiously anticipating her arrival I’m dreading her due date. Yes, I know that most likely she wouldn’t have come on her due date, that she would have been early or maybe even late like her big brother but since I’ll never know for sure the due date is it. It’s my last milestone of my pregnancy with Elena.
After this month it’ll be over.
Instead I may think about how she would have been 1 month…2 months….a year…a girly 5 year old. What it would have been like to handle two kids this summer. What it would have been like to nurse her and have a demanding toddler. What it would have been like for Mason to meet his baby sister for the first time.
Seeing everyone giving birth to their July babies or getting ready to give birth or even celebrating birthdays of their July children is killing. I was suppose to have a July Baby. A little girl.
And instead. Just a hole in my heart that can never be filled.