This Is What I’m Thinking.

My mind is constantly moving, even more so than usual. I feel like I spend more than half of the day inside my own brain overanalyzing every single thing that goes on. Either way that leads to a lot of thinking.

So here’s some brain vomit:

I really wish Pinterest would change a couple of things:

1) Private Boards

    2) Being able to type in your board so you can find it quicker instead of having to scroll through in case you have a lot of boards like I do.

3) Being able to pin to multiple boards, AT ONCE. So maybe check marks instead of just choosing one. I would love to be able to cross pin things easier.

  • I started the 30 day shred and I owe an update tomorrow but what I can tell you is I keep gaining weight and I’ve only done it every other day. But hey, that’s better than nothing right?
  • I really want to do this cleaning flow chart that I saw on Pinterest tonight. Although I’m a little surprised you have to do it all in one day!
  • The doctor put me on anti-anxiety pills and they seem to be working but I’m not sure if I need them. I didn’t take one almost all day today and I was fine.
  • I hate having to see people that never acknowledged my daughter. News flash. If Elena wasn’t good enough for you to acknowledge than neither is her brother. Acknowledgement exists in many forms one. Pick one.
  • I made Carrot Cupcakes today for my pregnancy and infant loss support group. There was only two of us there tonight and it was almost a nightmare since there was a woman in labor (it was at the birth center) and the only other person there had her “Rainbow” with her. It ended up being great though. I really needed to talk to someone who gets it and who it’s still raw too and who I can see face to face and not just online.
  • I have a ton of posts planned that deal with Elena, what exactly happened and even some pre-pregnancy stuff. All things that I had been planning on blogging about had I been given the time.
  • Another News Flash. Don’t be afraid to bring up Elena and “remind me” of her. I’m constantly thinking of her. Every.Single.Moment. Even when I’m posting about stupid recipes and deals on twitter.
  • A lot of people have asked me what exactly happened. I said it on FB. My water broke too soon. That’s about as much as the doctors and I know. Either fluke, infection or Incompetent cervix. Fun right?
  • I’m Vitamin D deficient. Apparently it’s one of the reasons I’m so tired all the time. I doubt that for some reason.
  • I really want to start a memorial garden for Elena with lots and lots of Purple but I’m afraid I’ll kill it and then feel like a failure all over again.
  • I ordered a memorial necklace over a month ago. It still hasn’t arrived.
  • I made my own blackboard paint with the kids on Thursday (Mason, his cousin, and three other friends) it was so much fun and so easy! Post coming soon!
  • I’m finally on Instagram! SN: LittleBGCG shocked huh!?
  • I have this AMAZING idea for a dessert, I’m sure it’s been done before (what hasn’t) but I haven’t seen it before so I’m excited.

Okay I think that’s all for now. My brain feels better now.

Carrot Cupcakes
Boiling the Perfect Easter Eggs

Comments

  1. says

    First, (((HUGS)))

    Second, what’s a “rainbow”?

    I’m sorry people don’t acknowledge Elena. When my brother lost his daughter (at age 4 from an AVM), I didn’t know if I should say things to him to let him know I was thinking about him or thinking about her or mention something cute I remembered about her or a dream I had about her…I was afraid of “reminding him” or him having a “good day” and me causing him sadness in some way by mentioning Adaleigh. He said much the same thing you did about thinking of her all the time anyway, so it’s impossible to “remind” him. I won’t pretend to know what you’re going through, but I’m so sorry for you.

    Also, have you had your thyroid checked? Vit D deficiency and thyroid issues can go hand in hand, and a thyroid disorder also causes weight gain and fatigue. Just a thought…

    • Christa says

      A Rainbow is the baby you have after a miscarriage/losing a child/infertility.

      I’m so sorry to hear about your niece.

      I keep forgetting to get my thyroid checked! I will soon. The weight gain could also be the BC that I’m on and the anti-anxiety medicine and the fact that I’m not exactly eating the best lol.

  2. Tamara says

    I’ve been thinking about you all the time. I miss you! It’s nice to see your thoughts. And when you’re ready, I’d love to read more about Elena and what you’ve been through. ♥

    As for Pinterest, I want those private boards too (don’t we all?!) And just a tip, if you start typing the name of one of your boards in the search box in the top it will come up there and you can just click on it. Much quicker than searching through all of the boards, such a pain.

    • Christa says

      That I know for searching through my boards and often do that. But what I meant was when you pin something I want to be able to type “Words” and have it come up so that I can choose it instead of having to scroll through to find “Words” or whatever board I’m looking for!

      I’m on FB and such all the time, also on Twitter so feel free to chat it up 🙂

  3. Melissa says

    Lots of hugs and well-wishes.

    I think people don’t know what to say or are scared to say ‘the wrong thing’ so often they don’t say anything. I read a really great post at the Mason’s Cause website that offers some really good suggestions on this in specific and infant loss in general from a mom who lost her 5 mths old to SIDS. It made me more aware of things I had said or not said in the past out of just not knowing.

    Will continue to keep you in my prayers.

    • Christa says

      Thank you for praying for me, it means a lot to know that their are people out there doing that.

      I understanding not knowing what to say but I think completely ignoring situation i.e not calling/texting/emailing for over a month when you’re a close family member is a little ridiculous. Maybe I’m just a different type of person but I would never do that to anyone. If someone I know lost their baby especially a DIL, cousin, niece, whatever I would not only be saying how sorry I am for their loss but I would also be checking up on them. But maybe that’s just me!

  4. says

    I’m very sorry for your loss and think of you often. I hope that one day you’ll plan your memorial garden. I know you’ll love and care of it just as you did for Elena.

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