No Where is Safe

Every where I go I see things that remind me of Elena and of who she would have been.

My Mom, Aunt and two of my sisters came into town and along with B and Mason we headed over to Walmart. I swear it was like EVERY single person there had a son and daughter about 2 years apart. Just what I needed to see. It makes me SO sad because Mason and Elena are going to miss out on that.

I logged onto my google documents because I had a gift card to use and right there to smack me in the face:

JULY MOMS DUE DATE

JULY MOMS LABOR BUDDIES

Just what I needed to see as I was getting ready to order No More Milk tea.

I log onto Pinterest to get some recipe ideas.

Baby pictures every where, maternity pictures, my Board for “Baby #2 Coming In July.

I log onto Facebook. Pregnancy announcements, pregnant bellies and new born babies are everywhere.

I wonder when it’ll be safe again to go online or out in public, to see these things and not have it make me burst into tears.

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About Christa Marie

Christa is a mom to three, Mason, Kyla and Elena who grew her wings the day she was born in February 2012. She blogs about the things she loves; her family, recipes and whatever she's up too that week. When she's not blogging you can find her entertaining the kids or reading.

Comments

  1. I am new to following your blog and I don’t know what happened but I feel the pain in your words. For whatever the situation is I will keep you in my prayers in hopes that you find some comfort and are shielded from more pain. Sending virtual hugs your way!

    • Christa says:

      I lost my daughter just shy of 19 weeks due to pPROM. My water broke at 18 weeks but I didn’t go into labor until 4 days later).

      • I am so sorry! I cannot begin to understand your loss and suffering. As a mom of three and miscarrying one at 14 weeks, I know I loved each of mine dearly before I even saw a positive pregnancy test. Many, many prayers and well wishes for you and your family!

  2. I am so sorry for your loss…I didn’t even know…But as a mama who has suffered from 4 miscarriages, I definitely feel your pain. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

  3. I had no idea this had happened. I’m so sorry! I saw your recent protected posts and wondered what it was all about and now it makes sense. I’m so very sorry to hear of your loss. Thinking of you and praying for you!

  4. *hugs*

  5. I’m so sorry. Things you normally wouldn’t notice or pay much attention to become painful reminders of your own loss. The pain never goes away, but it does get easier and one day you’ll wake up and be able to be happy when you see a newborn baby or an expecting mother. I’m praying for you and your family during this difficult time.

  6. My heart is breaking for you! I don’t have the answers on when you’ll feel normal again, because there will always be the part of you that longs for her. Even being pregnant this time I can’t help but wonder what could and would have been with the baby we lost. Praying for you to find peace and comfort as you can!! Big hugs!!

  7. I am so sorry. You are constantly in my thoughts and prayers!

  8. It takes awhile, and the triggers never go away 100%. I withdrew and just avoided things I knew would set me off for a long time- pregnant friends, friends with newborns, etc.

    It does get better though. But go ahead and let yourself grieve.

  9. Amanda Alvarado says:

    {{{{Hugs}}}} I wondered what had happened. We are coming up on the 3rd year anniversary of losing our last/youngest daughter next month (I was 30 wks – the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck). It still hurts at times and I still cry when I watch Bringing Home Baby or A Baby Story. It just hurts so much. It hasn’t helped either that we have been unable to conceive again. It seems everyone else around us is having babies too (just added 5 new babies to our extended family this past year…one of which is our grandson. Our 18 yo couldn’t wait. @@) I know what you are going through and if you ever need someone to just yell at about the unfairness of it all, drop me a line…..

  10. .:karen:. says:

    Been wanting to send comfort and strength your way. A friend of ours lost her two month old to SIDS two years ago now. She still grieves every day, but she had two children previously for whom she had to stay strong for. She was finally able to get to a place where she was comfortable enough to TTC again and ended up having another healthy baby 6 months ago.

    I hope you are able to take the time you need to heal and know that you are being prayed for by many.

    *hugs*

  11. Christa, I think about you everyday and continue to pray for you. I hope each day becomes easier to cope with! I know you probably don’t feel strong but you are an amazingly strong woman! You will always be in my thoughts and I hope only the best for you!

  12. Honestly? Never. It’ll get way way way better. But you won’t ever be the same.
    I never stop thinking about you. *hugs*

  13. Probably not helping…but I cried a little reading this. I wish you the best in this situation. I have my own psychological burdens to overcome regarding my birth experience.

  14. Oh, Christa…I wish I could hug you. A good friend of mine also said goodbye to a little girl (20 weeks along) under the same circumstances. Knowing her is the only way I could even imagine what you might be going through. I wish gentle healing and a sense of peace for you…after time, of course.

    I was due the first week of July 2012 with our second child, too. We lost ours at 8 weeks, so it was very different, but I will definitely think of you when that time rolls around. Stay strong, mama – take it day by day. <>

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