So Mason had his VERY first doctor’s appointment on Wednesday.
He also had other firsts. Like the first time he peed on his Mommy…and Pooped on his Mommy. That morning I had woke up with him and began changing his diaper. Usually I’m pretty quick, I’ve had practice ya know. Anyway he pees and it goes about oh I dunno 20 feet in the air and lands directly on my cell phone. The cell phone I wiped down and continued to use throughout the day. Didn’t you know that infant urine is good for the face?
Fast forward to 1:00 when we leave for his doctor’s appointment. I sat in the back of course because I was afraid he was going to cry. He didn’t he seems to like his car seat. We get to the doctor’s a little late because we hit some traffic because of road work. The whole time B kept saying that it STUNK and I was like WOW it must be true when they say that your own baby’s poop doesn’t smell as bad as other people’s cause I don’t smell a thing. Although this doesn’t make much sense since Mason is B’s too therefore he should also not be able to smell it but I’m tired and so is he so logic doesn’t always win.
We get to the doctors office and I immediately go to change Mason. His diaper was a little wet but otherwise no poopy. Until he made a little farting sound and pooped a little. I cleaned it up and was getting ready to strap on the diaper in case he did it again when he PROJECTILE pooped again, ALL OVER ME. I screamed a little and immediately started laughing. Bly jumped up and was like OH SHIT and ran to try and help me. I was trying to clean up Mason who was STILL pooping and B was trying to clean me up. I said to B okay we have to hurry up and finish because he’s going to pee and right on cue pee shoots 25 feet in the air B reaches for wipes to try and stop it and I of course just take my hand and cup it over his man parts. And the whole time B and I are laughing hysterically because what else could we do?! He peed all of the doctor’s chair. I hope they clean them. Otherwise I wonder how many chairs I’ve sat on that have had baby pee on them.
So then B says “I guess we’re going to have to go home instead of going to target so you can change”. And I was like “um NO we’re out now and we’re not bringing the baby out again so I’m going to Target poop on my shirt or not!” And we’re still hysterically laughing and B says to me when did you realize in your life that it would be okay to go to Target or ANYWHERE with poop on your shirt and I immediately knew the answer: January 30th 2010.
Everything went well at his doctor’s appointment. When Mason was born he weighed 8lbs 12.2 oz. When he left the hospital he weighed 8lbs 3.9 oz and when he went to the doctor’s he weighed 8lbs 8.6 oz. Which is AMAZING the doctor said most babies are still losing weight at this point. But not my little man. He’s a champion eater…and a Champion pooper…